blog

So on the way up to hanover last winter, up to some race to the bottom experience-mongering mischief, chewing my own sensual cud -- on ye ol Dartmouth Coach they showed a documentary on the Mars Rover and I sat in the back with my head against the frosty window and bawled my eyes out (on the inside). It's clean and right to be an agent of evolution, and yet all my gravity pulls towards something else--to be a COMMENTATOR, ugh. The source of much of my self-loathing, which I now discard wholesale, for the sake of streamlining..
The kind of X that I want to be needs a full gaze, an aquaintance with both the low and base and the good and righteous (and I do believe in such distinctions). A long term, ongoing project -- not about to cop out now.
New hobbies include starving myself until my eyes are wild and then looking through them. I want to discover an entirely new sensuality. It's been ages since Ive had a legitimate interest in flesh. It's the beginning of something new (finally).