Watching David Foster Wallace interviews I feel the same thing I felt at times when talking to A.L. -- this person operates at a level that I don't even know about. I want to get at that level.
And it has always been about my wants. My selfishness is automatic (autonomic; derivation: auto+nomic: law given by the automatic. here, tyrannically). It comes from a reactionary place -- selfishness is not any more or less HARD-wired then selflessness. It's a defense like any other: compulsive intellectualism, substances in small and large quantities, spending time alone, anger, affective blunting, small goals, ambition, big pictures, card playing, being focused like a laser beam. I've taken all I can, encrapulated myself, drove that car (care) as far as I could, abandoned it out West - a newer, kinder day beyond the horizon; I wait impatiently, on the verge of tears with doubt.
skip to main |
skip to sidebar
No comments:
Post a Comment