blog

The person who is an island sees only mirrors all around him (and nothing in all that saltwater is the least bit nourishing). I blame my congenital myopia among other things, that the existence of the entire outer universe has always been just a little doubtful. Which has something to do why I often, and preposterously, think that it was the best decision of my life, majoring in government (of. all. things); and in secret I think it was what I was thinking all along. Because I have great difficulty multitasking. And the past few years have been an—I almost say necessary because it was so instinctive—mad rush to corruption. Because the best things lie beyond good and bad and knowledge by acquaintance is far superior to knowledge by description, maybe.

________________________________
Break, Redux:

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

1. it scares me, it really does. That I may not be the same person who would say all so assuredly, so brightly back in day, sophomore year of stuy, that "economics make da world go 'round". I cared so much about what make the world go round back then. It scares me that maybe I--dont--anymore. maybe it was ­­­~ or something. ====> but im still on that route. because it reminds me of a day when I unequivacally would choose the positive. I was a rational creature back then, much more than I am now. HOMO ECONOMICUS, if you will. 2. I'm not the meritocracy's pure product. John Lee is. traded in his soul for a ticket to MIT. This kid was my competitor in junior high, when I was still effortlessly the best. Green is the color of envy. And Bronx Science. And Dartmouth. Second best. Why dont I care. Because your worth comes from the 1% of you that isnt like the next person and what you do with it. Not how adroitly you can weasel and all-nighter your way up a system that in many ways is ultimately--false. I'm reminded of Matt Wasserman--750 verbal in the 7th grade, ditched stuy to go to some alternative school in the mountains of Massechusetts. once he said "you need 10 hours of sleep a night to function correctly". he had the right idea. sucker motherfuckers.

_____________

To continue: Or—how low can you go. And early-twenties are experimental throw-away years. And, always keep them away from what you love, right. Naah, sometimes silence germinates and sometimes it rots-out. This thought is indicative my maturity. My increased sophistication. My increasingly nuanced thinking. My liberal arts education. Applied to relevant issues. Like how hatred, too, is a healthy emotion. Which I’ve known to be true for many years, or at least that it’s a potent palliative. Of course, be careful, always. That can get out of hand too. Acupuncture with a fork. A deft touch is an utmost virtue. I know of only a few.


_____________

also:

The Boy With the Incredible Brain

(the part about his skin response to pi especially. see--everything is connected. emotion, abstraction, aesthetics, biology, among other things.)