blog

yo--went to dc earlier this week. the washington monument looks like a huge cock. generates in me all the ambivance that those things usually do. somewhere floating in that ambivilance is i guess is that awe i'm supposed to feel in the greco-roman shithole that is the more famous parts of DC. this greco-roman business: like the reaching out for phantom roots that charactorize the usually inspirationless second generation. like greece or rome has all that much to do with the States. contrast for example the building that replaced 7 world trade center--the translucent one. like something out of a dream. no longer a copy of a copy of a copy but something new. anyway. later went to dupont circle. feel more at home with the drugs and the queers. talked about the rapture. good time was had by all. took the midnight bus back. arrived in manhattan too early so I went to wait out the sunrise in a 24 hour mcdonalds. circa 4am, hobo comes up to me and asks me what i'm reading. i show him in the bluntest most non-engaging way possible, making sure to make it clear that in no way would i tolerate being raped. he says he's read that. he was a philosophy major. at city college (before open admissions, when it was actually good, like stuy). drat. the last thing i need is this sort of kindred spirit. his life: a black sheep hassidic jew, books, alcoholism, zigzag around the country and abroad. long zen retreats (and of course retreating of an even more protracted sort). c'est moi, could be, of course--god do i have to, must, must, must stay on the flip-side of that coin. the respectable side. the accomplished side. for nothing else but fear of being left with nothing else. of course my instincts tell me it's on the same indifference curve--one thing has as many strengths and weaknesses as ther other (if antipodal ones). in other news, fall is comming. has a way of focusing the head, making one more serious, more ambitious or more desperate whatever the case may be. and...so on.